So I was looking back on my life today and was thinking about my plans.... and how I got to where I am. We've all been through school and have been told that planning is key. You are supposed to set goals and work until you acheive them. Seems like pretty basic logic right? That is how all the sucsessful people do it. Without goals you get nowhere. Right?
Well I would beg to differ. Not that plans aren't good but.... well I guess all I can do is show you what I mean. Let's rewind back to my freshman year of high school. My plan: Get into the top ten of my class. Graduate Leicester High School (that's in Massachusetts by the way, where I currently went) Go to a local college (there are several GOOD schools in New England) on a full-ride scholarship, get a Bachelors in Elementary Education and English in the standard four years and spend my life as a teacher and children's author. I had a plan, I had steps set to achieve that plan. It was a good plan and everyone praised me for being so well planned. Well if you have kept any track of me since my freshman year.... you would know that that plan.... didn't happen.
At the end of my freshman year I was informed that I was moving to a state I had honestly heard of about once in my life. A little place called Utah. I knew nothing about the people or anything. I just knew that my parents were tearing me away from my ten year plan and my life. To top everything off my father said we were moving because "God said so". Which is not what any 14 year old wants to hear. I was in no way appreciative of our move. Worst of all, when I got to high school I realized that it was full of hicks and had incredibly dull acedmics which was very different from my almost private school level of education I had recieved in Massachusetts. This school would mean nothing to big name colleges or anything halfway decent. My plan was ruined. God pretty much screwed me over or so it seemed at the time.
Another plan that I had formulated during my time in Massachusetts was one of attending the Honor Academy for a year sometime before, during or after my college expeirience. This one year internship with Teen Mania Ministries was first presented to me at an Aquire the Fire in Amhearst, MA. I was very excited to participate and attend. Over the years this dream also died. It was too expensive, too far away, I even went to volunteer for a few weeks one summer and God refused to even provide the plane fair. I had to use money I had saved from working all summer. Needless to say, no matter how hard I tried, God just seriously slammed that door.
So now that we are here, you may think that this God of mine is simply a dream killer. And to that I say... kind of. You see it's very complicated. But please read on. There is a Barlow Girl song called Surrender. Here are some of the lyrics:
My hands hold safely to my dreams. Cluthcing so tightly not one has fallen. So many years I've shaped each one, reflecting my heart, showing who I am. Now you're asking me to show what I'm holding oh so tightly, can't open my hands can't let go. Does it matter? Should I show you? Can't you let me go?
This is the point in my life where I was. This was me. This is everything I was. But I wasn't ready to surrender them over to God. Ok, so you need to realize one thing about me, If you mixed the stubborness of a donkey and a three year old; you get me. I don't give up, which in some ways is a strength, and in others is a terrible weakness. So God took my dreams from me. God broke me down to nothing. He said no. I didn't get my dreams. And for a long time nothing really seemed to work out. But I want to turn your attention to a certain verse... which is basically my life story.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." and it turns out that those plans are better than any plan you could have imagined.
As far as my college plans go... God worked those out better than I ever could have. Right now I am a junior in college. I achieved my associates degree while in high school through a free program. Not only did this give me a free degree, but provided me with the academic excellence I wanted that my high school in Utah could not provide. I was challenged and had fun getting a degree with some of the best people in the world. After my associates degree I continued at Utah Valley University where I am now, working on a Bachelors Degree in Social Work. But that isn't even where God wanted me to end up.
Now let's go to the Honor Academy part. I know that I wanted to serve God. I know that I wanted to to do some sort of service. I planned that out several times. I wanted to go on missions trips (several happened sucsessfully, a few didn't), go to Bible college, or intern someplace like MA or TX. I tried several routs with several good ministries but nothign worked. God just said no to all of them. Now I would like to tell you my story. This is what God litterally put into my hands.
My family made another move just about a month ago. This time we only moved an hour from our last home to an area fondly known of by Sanpetians as "up north". Around here it is known as "the city" but to my friends from Massachusetts it is much more like a basic town (think Oxford or Sturbridge). Anyway, I was struggling up here. I have a job, a car, and am goign to school. But... well it all started my last semester of senior year. I was trying to decide where to go to college and nothing quite felt right. So I ended up going to UVU. It's a nice school and I like my classes, but it never really felt right. It never felt like I was doing what God wanted me to do.
On one of my several trips back to my Sanpete home a friend talked to me about one of few Bachelors degrees offered on the Snow College Campus. Turns out... the major pretty much sounds like EXACTLY what I want to do. Even more than social work. After a few meetings, I decided to move back home and go to school there.
Now here is the awesome part. While talking to a wonderful woman who works in the college ministry there I inquired about housing and she offered me an internship (all though I would like to make it clear that my application still needs to be reviewed and prayed over by all leaders of this ministry before I can be accepted. While currently I belive that this is an amazing thing that God placed into my hands, there is still the chance I may be denied, which again would be God's will). I am incredibly excited at this prospect. I have been searching for the right place all my life and God just handed me an oppurtunity. This is the first time in my life it feels right. Now I knwo that God is not about a feeling but when the feeling is combined with impecable logic, there is nothing quite like it.
Basically.... God has better plans than you do. ALWAYS. So I have learned to scratch plans and just live in God's will. He will provide. He wants to give you something better than you could have imagined. He is already doing that in my life.... and I can't wait to see Him do it again and again.
Thanks you JESUS! :D
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