Saturday, October 30, 2010
Growing Up
It's only on nights like tonight that I realize how young I really am. :) How is it that I can be so small and insignifigant but still have a God who loves me so much. It's really funny because I'll talk myself into a rut and begin to believe that I am nothing. I start thinking that I have so many issues and could never even be a good friend, never mind a good anything else. And I just talk myself down deeper and deeper. But then I smack myself and realize that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me. It doesn't even matter what I think of me. It hardly matters if I walk around this life alone because no one wants a broken person... because God does. And that is enough. God put so much effort and love into me. Even if no one thinks I am fit for ministry or anything.... God has a plan for my life. And the truth is I am not really fit for anything. But God made me just the way I am and loves me with more love than I could ever imagine. I don't know if I'll ever feel "grown up" or self secure but I always know that my Abba's arms are opened wide for me. And I guess that's all that ever really mattered.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Well... I never thought that God would work this out.
So I was looking back on my life today and was thinking about my plans.... and how I got to where I am. We've all been through school and have been told that planning is key. You are supposed to set goals and work until you acheive them. Seems like pretty basic logic right? That is how all the sucsessful people do it. Without goals you get nowhere. Right?
Well I would beg to differ. Not that plans aren't good but.... well I guess all I can do is show you what I mean. Let's rewind back to my freshman year of high school. My plan: Get into the top ten of my class. Graduate Leicester High School (that's in Massachusetts by the way, where I currently went) Go to a local college (there are several GOOD schools in New England) on a full-ride scholarship, get a Bachelors in Elementary Education and English in the standard four years and spend my life as a teacher and children's author. I had a plan, I had steps set to achieve that plan. It was a good plan and everyone praised me for being so well planned. Well if you have kept any track of me since my freshman year.... you would know that that plan.... didn't happen.
At the end of my freshman year I was informed that I was moving to a state I had honestly heard of about once in my life. A little place called Utah. I knew nothing about the people or anything. I just knew that my parents were tearing me away from my ten year plan and my life. To top everything off my father said we were moving because "God said so". Which is not what any 14 year old wants to hear. I was in no way appreciative of our move. Worst of all, when I got to high school I realized that it was full of hicks and had incredibly dull acedmics which was very different from my almost private school level of education I had recieved in Massachusetts. This school would mean nothing to big name colleges or anything halfway decent. My plan was ruined. God pretty much screwed me over or so it seemed at the time.
Another plan that I had formulated during my time in Massachusetts was one of attending the Honor Academy for a year sometime before, during or after my college expeirience. This one year internship with Teen Mania Ministries was first presented to me at an Aquire the Fire in Amhearst, MA. I was very excited to participate and attend. Over the years this dream also died. It was too expensive, too far away, I even went to volunteer for a few weeks one summer and God refused to even provide the plane fair. I had to use money I had saved from working all summer. Needless to say, no matter how hard I tried, God just seriously slammed that door.
So now that we are here, you may think that this God of mine is simply a dream killer. And to that I say... kind of. You see it's very complicated. But please read on. There is a Barlow Girl song called Surrender. Here are some of the lyrics:
My hands hold safely to my dreams. Cluthcing so tightly not one has fallen. So many years I've shaped each one, reflecting my heart, showing who I am. Now you're asking me to show what I'm holding oh so tightly, can't open my hands can't let go. Does it matter? Should I show you? Can't you let me go?
This is the point in my life where I was. This was me. This is everything I was. But I wasn't ready to surrender them over to God. Ok, so you need to realize one thing about me, If you mixed the stubborness of a donkey and a three year old; you get me. I don't give up, which in some ways is a strength, and in others is a terrible weakness. So God took my dreams from me. God broke me down to nothing. He said no. I didn't get my dreams. And for a long time nothing really seemed to work out. But I want to turn your attention to a certain verse... which is basically my life story.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." and it turns out that those plans are better than any plan you could have imagined.
As far as my college plans go... God worked those out better than I ever could have. Right now I am a junior in college. I achieved my associates degree while in high school through a free program. Not only did this give me a free degree, but provided me with the academic excellence I wanted that my high school in Utah could not provide. I was challenged and had fun getting a degree with some of the best people in the world. After my associates degree I continued at Utah Valley University where I am now, working on a Bachelors Degree in Social Work. But that isn't even where God wanted me to end up.
Now let's go to the Honor Academy part. I know that I wanted to serve God. I know that I wanted to to do some sort of service. I planned that out several times. I wanted to go on missions trips (several happened sucsessfully, a few didn't), go to Bible college, or intern someplace like MA or TX. I tried several routs with several good ministries but nothign worked. God just said no to all of them. Now I would like to tell you my story. This is what God litterally put into my hands.
My family made another move just about a month ago. This time we only moved an hour from our last home to an area fondly known of by Sanpetians as "up north". Around here it is known as "the city" but to my friends from Massachusetts it is much more like a basic town (think Oxford or Sturbridge). Anyway, I was struggling up here. I have a job, a car, and am goign to school. But... well it all started my last semester of senior year. I was trying to decide where to go to college and nothing quite felt right. So I ended up going to UVU. It's a nice school and I like my classes, but it never really felt right. It never felt like I was doing what God wanted me to do.
On one of my several trips back to my Sanpete home a friend talked to me about one of few Bachelors degrees offered on the Snow College Campus. Turns out... the major pretty much sounds like EXACTLY what I want to do. Even more than social work. After a few meetings, I decided to move back home and go to school there.
Now here is the awesome part. While talking to a wonderful woman who works in the college ministry there I inquired about housing and she offered me an internship (all though I would like to make it clear that my application still needs to be reviewed and prayed over by all leaders of this ministry before I can be accepted. While currently I belive that this is an amazing thing that God placed into my hands, there is still the chance I may be denied, which again would be God's will). I am incredibly excited at this prospect. I have been searching for the right place all my life and God just handed me an oppurtunity. This is the first time in my life it feels right. Now I knwo that God is not about a feeling but when the feeling is combined with impecable logic, there is nothing quite like it.
Basically.... God has better plans than you do. ALWAYS. So I have learned to scratch plans and just live in God's will. He will provide. He wants to give you something better than you could have imagined. He is already doing that in my life.... and I can't wait to see Him do it again and again.
Thanks you JESUS! :D
Well I would beg to differ. Not that plans aren't good but.... well I guess all I can do is show you what I mean. Let's rewind back to my freshman year of high school. My plan: Get into the top ten of my class. Graduate Leicester High School (that's in Massachusetts by the way, where I currently went) Go to a local college (there are several GOOD schools in New England) on a full-ride scholarship, get a Bachelors in Elementary Education and English in the standard four years and spend my life as a teacher and children's author. I had a plan, I had steps set to achieve that plan. It was a good plan and everyone praised me for being so well planned. Well if you have kept any track of me since my freshman year.... you would know that that plan.... didn't happen.
At the end of my freshman year I was informed that I was moving to a state I had honestly heard of about once in my life. A little place called Utah. I knew nothing about the people or anything. I just knew that my parents were tearing me away from my ten year plan and my life. To top everything off my father said we were moving because "God said so". Which is not what any 14 year old wants to hear. I was in no way appreciative of our move. Worst of all, when I got to high school I realized that it was full of hicks and had incredibly dull acedmics which was very different from my almost private school level of education I had recieved in Massachusetts. This school would mean nothing to big name colleges or anything halfway decent. My plan was ruined. God pretty much screwed me over or so it seemed at the time.
Another plan that I had formulated during my time in Massachusetts was one of attending the Honor Academy for a year sometime before, during or after my college expeirience. This one year internship with Teen Mania Ministries was first presented to me at an Aquire the Fire in Amhearst, MA. I was very excited to participate and attend. Over the years this dream also died. It was too expensive, too far away, I even went to volunteer for a few weeks one summer and God refused to even provide the plane fair. I had to use money I had saved from working all summer. Needless to say, no matter how hard I tried, God just seriously slammed that door.
So now that we are here, you may think that this God of mine is simply a dream killer. And to that I say... kind of. You see it's very complicated. But please read on. There is a Barlow Girl song called Surrender. Here are some of the lyrics:
My hands hold safely to my dreams. Cluthcing so tightly not one has fallen. So many years I've shaped each one, reflecting my heart, showing who I am. Now you're asking me to show what I'm holding oh so tightly, can't open my hands can't let go. Does it matter? Should I show you? Can't you let me go?
This is the point in my life where I was. This was me. This is everything I was. But I wasn't ready to surrender them over to God. Ok, so you need to realize one thing about me, If you mixed the stubborness of a donkey and a three year old; you get me. I don't give up, which in some ways is a strength, and in others is a terrible weakness. So God took my dreams from me. God broke me down to nothing. He said no. I didn't get my dreams. And for a long time nothing really seemed to work out. But I want to turn your attention to a certain verse... which is basically my life story.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." and it turns out that those plans are better than any plan you could have imagined.
As far as my college plans go... God worked those out better than I ever could have. Right now I am a junior in college. I achieved my associates degree while in high school through a free program. Not only did this give me a free degree, but provided me with the academic excellence I wanted that my high school in Utah could not provide. I was challenged and had fun getting a degree with some of the best people in the world. After my associates degree I continued at Utah Valley University where I am now, working on a Bachelors Degree in Social Work. But that isn't even where God wanted me to end up.
Now let's go to the Honor Academy part. I know that I wanted to serve God. I know that I wanted to to do some sort of service. I planned that out several times. I wanted to go on missions trips (several happened sucsessfully, a few didn't), go to Bible college, or intern someplace like MA or TX. I tried several routs with several good ministries but nothign worked. God just said no to all of them. Now I would like to tell you my story. This is what God litterally put into my hands.
My family made another move just about a month ago. This time we only moved an hour from our last home to an area fondly known of by Sanpetians as "up north". Around here it is known as "the city" but to my friends from Massachusetts it is much more like a basic town (think Oxford or Sturbridge). Anyway, I was struggling up here. I have a job, a car, and am goign to school. But... well it all started my last semester of senior year. I was trying to decide where to go to college and nothing quite felt right. So I ended up going to UVU. It's a nice school and I like my classes, but it never really felt right. It never felt like I was doing what God wanted me to do.
On one of my several trips back to my Sanpete home a friend talked to me about one of few Bachelors degrees offered on the Snow College Campus. Turns out... the major pretty much sounds like EXACTLY what I want to do. Even more than social work. After a few meetings, I decided to move back home and go to school there.
Now here is the awesome part. While talking to a wonderful woman who works in the college ministry there I inquired about housing and she offered me an internship (all though I would like to make it clear that my application still needs to be reviewed and prayed over by all leaders of this ministry before I can be accepted. While currently I belive that this is an amazing thing that God placed into my hands, there is still the chance I may be denied, which again would be God's will). I am incredibly excited at this prospect. I have been searching for the right place all my life and God just handed me an oppurtunity. This is the first time in my life it feels right. Now I knwo that God is not about a feeling but when the feeling is combined with impecable logic, there is nothing quite like it.
Basically.... God has better plans than you do. ALWAYS. So I have learned to scratch plans and just live in God's will. He will provide. He wants to give you something better than you could have imagined. He is already doing that in my life.... and I can't wait to see Him do it again and again.
Thanks you JESUS! :D
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Many Hats
"'Many people will try to give you hats in life. But none of them will fit. They will only make you weary and tired. But the hat I will make for you will fit perfectly. All you have to do is ask.' said the Father."~"A Hat for Ivan" by Max Lucado.
Last night at stayed at the Zedicher's house (for those who don't know my semi current/semi previous pastor's family. They have five little girls and one baby boy). The girls were getting ready for bed so Hannah picked out a story and I read it to all the girls. I read "A Hat for Ivan" by Max Lucado. And as with most children's books I am fairly sure I got way more out of it than any of the girls. The story is about hats, basically the idea of a hat being a job or an identitiy. A young boy was about to get his hat and he was so excited. But on the day he was supposed to get his hat, he actually recieved several hats from many different people. Everyone had a dream for his life. By the end of the day he was simply trying to please everyone by wearing thier hat when he would see them. Worst of all, none of them fit, and he had no idea what hat to wear. They all just made him tired.
This is pretty much my life right now. I am 18. Pretty much the time in your life where you have to "chose a hat". Everyone is handing me thier hat. I am even trying on every hat I can find trying to grab on to what I think is a possible goal for me. But here is the truth. None of them fit. I know that the education I am recieving will help me in the future but honestly... I don't think that it is my hat.
At this point in the story both Ivan and I are so tired. He is constantly changing hats and I am contantly switching majors in my mind. At this point Ivan runs to his father, "The Hatmaker". His father just gives a slight chuckle when he sees Ivan with so many hats. Ivan pours his heart out to his Father and his Father says, "I know that none of the hats fit you. I have a special hat just for you. All you have to do is ask."
Basically all I have to do is ask. God is creating a special "hat" for me with all of my experiences, loves, desires, and even stress tolerances in mind. And thankfully I have been given a glimpse of that hat. God has given me a desire and what I think are the skills to handle it. Unfortunatly it is not a hat I can get for myself. It is not one I can go to college for or anything but here is the deal:
"I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11
God knows the plans that He has for me. He has very specific plans in mind for me. God wants the best for me and he will give me it. If I follow God and trust him for my hat, no matter how many are thrust at me in the next coming years, He will give me a hat that fits better than I could ever imagine. All I have to do is ask, and wait on Him. God has perfect timing and a perfect plan.
Last night at stayed at the Zedicher's house (for those who don't know my semi current/semi previous pastor's family. They have five little girls and one baby boy). The girls were getting ready for bed so Hannah picked out a story and I read it to all the girls. I read "A Hat for Ivan" by Max Lucado. And as with most children's books I am fairly sure I got way more out of it than any of the girls. The story is about hats, basically the idea of a hat being a job or an identitiy. A young boy was about to get his hat and he was so excited. But on the day he was supposed to get his hat, he actually recieved several hats from many different people. Everyone had a dream for his life. By the end of the day he was simply trying to please everyone by wearing thier hat when he would see them. Worst of all, none of them fit, and he had no idea what hat to wear. They all just made him tired.
This is pretty much my life right now. I am 18. Pretty much the time in your life where you have to "chose a hat". Everyone is handing me thier hat. I am even trying on every hat I can find trying to grab on to what I think is a possible goal for me. But here is the truth. None of them fit. I know that the education I am recieving will help me in the future but honestly... I don't think that it is my hat.
At this point in the story both Ivan and I are so tired. He is constantly changing hats and I am contantly switching majors in my mind. At this point Ivan runs to his father, "The Hatmaker". His father just gives a slight chuckle when he sees Ivan with so many hats. Ivan pours his heart out to his Father and his Father says, "I know that none of the hats fit you. I have a special hat just for you. All you have to do is ask."
Basically all I have to do is ask. God is creating a special "hat" for me with all of my experiences, loves, desires, and even stress tolerances in mind. And thankfully I have been given a glimpse of that hat. God has given me a desire and what I think are the skills to handle it. Unfortunatly it is not a hat I can get for myself. It is not one I can go to college for or anything but here is the deal:
"I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11
God knows the plans that He has for me. He has very specific plans in mind for me. God wants the best for me and he will give me it. If I follow God and trust him for my hat, no matter how many are thrust at me in the next coming years, He will give me a hat that fits better than I could ever imagine. All I have to do is ask, and wait on Him. God has perfect timing and a perfect plan.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I Hear
Tonight God gave me a vision. Ok, I know that that sounds stupid. In fact this whole thing might sound silly to you. Or whatever, it might even be. I don't know how to do any of it. But God has given me a vision for what I can do. And I know that He will guide me each step of the way.
So here is the vision. I Hear Ministries. Have you guys heard "Does anybody hear her" by Casting Crowns? Well that song has impacted me so much since it was first recorded and put on Casting Crowns' first CD. Just incase you haven't look it up on Youtube to refresh your memory. Anyway this song is the story of a lost and broken girl. She is running far away from God and she is running fast. She isn't trying to but she doesn't know how to not run and her heart is breaking. All she wants is to be loved. But she can't seem to find it.
This song poses the question, Does anybody hear her? And that got me thinking, Does anyone hear her? I have been all across America and have had the opportunity to meet hundreds of amazing young women who have even grown up going to church and are the stereotypical good kids. These girls have struggled with drugs, drinking, eating disorders, depression, cutting, fooling around with guys, pregnancies (which is in no way a negative thing but can be devastating if in the wrong timing), abortions, and litterally everything else inbetween. Have you heard these beautiful girls?
All of this stems from a total feeling of inadequacy. Whether they want to admit it or not... we do all of those things to try to prove that we are worth something, or to reinforce our belief that we are not. Often times these girls are in the church. They go to church every sunday and they have heard all about Jesus, but they have never really seen someone live for Him. These girls are "under the shadow of our steeples, with all the lost and lonley people searching for the hope that is TUCKED AWAY in you and me"
I have been where these girls are. Ocassionally I even slip back. But I was shown God in a real way, and unfortunately it took me until I was 13 and in Peru, surrounded by a bunch of teenagers who were on fire for God. Their hope was not tucked away, it was right out in the open for me to see.
There is a beautiful song called "Scream" by Zoegirl. It talks about a very real struggle to be heard that I know I have had and I believe several other girls deal with. I want to show them God's love in a very realistic way.
So that is the vision. I have no idea how it is going to take shape. But starting now, this is what God has place in my heart. I believe that God makes everything happen for a reason, including our struggles, our pains, our heartaches, and our joys. Currently I am a social work major in college about a year and a half away from my bachelors. God kind of made me accidenlty stumble upon that. I wanted to be an English major. I know that God has given me a vision for a reason and HE will lead me to what I need to do. So please be praying and comment with what you think about the vision.
I Hear ministries is all about letting girls know, I hear what you are going through... and better yet GOD hears and loves you more than anything.
So here is the vision. I Hear Ministries. Have you guys heard "Does anybody hear her" by Casting Crowns? Well that song has impacted me so much since it was first recorded and put on Casting Crowns' first CD. Just incase you haven't look it up on Youtube to refresh your memory. Anyway this song is the story of a lost and broken girl. She is running far away from God and she is running fast. She isn't trying to but she doesn't know how to not run and her heart is breaking. All she wants is to be loved. But she can't seem to find it.
This song poses the question, Does anybody hear her? And that got me thinking, Does anyone hear her? I have been all across America and have had the opportunity to meet hundreds of amazing young women who have even grown up going to church and are the stereotypical good kids. These girls have struggled with drugs, drinking, eating disorders, depression, cutting, fooling around with guys, pregnancies (which is in no way a negative thing but can be devastating if in the wrong timing), abortions, and litterally everything else inbetween. Have you heard these beautiful girls?
All of this stems from a total feeling of inadequacy. Whether they want to admit it or not... we do all of those things to try to prove that we are worth something, or to reinforce our belief that we are not. Often times these girls are in the church. They go to church every sunday and they have heard all about Jesus, but they have never really seen someone live for Him. These girls are "under the shadow of our steeples, with all the lost and lonley people searching for the hope that is TUCKED AWAY in you and me"
I have been where these girls are. Ocassionally I even slip back. But I was shown God in a real way, and unfortunately it took me until I was 13 and in Peru, surrounded by a bunch of teenagers who were on fire for God. Their hope was not tucked away, it was right out in the open for me to see.
There is a beautiful song called "Scream" by Zoegirl. It talks about a very real struggle to be heard that I know I have had and I believe several other girls deal with. I want to show them God's love in a very realistic way.
So that is the vision. I have no idea how it is going to take shape. But starting now, this is what God has place in my heart. I believe that God makes everything happen for a reason, including our struggles, our pains, our heartaches, and our joys. Currently I am a social work major in college about a year and a half away from my bachelors. God kind of made me accidenlty stumble upon that. I wanted to be an English major. I know that God has given me a vision for a reason and HE will lead me to what I need to do. So please be praying and comment with what you think about the vision.
I Hear ministries is all about letting girls know, I hear what you are going through... and better yet GOD hears and loves you more than anything.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)