This is me

Right now I want to start with a story. The story of a liar. The story of a sad little girl who had so many differenet lies. Each morning she would go to her closet and chose which suit of lies to wear that morning. Each was very well constructed and portrayed a differnt person who she wanted to be. Some days she would go to church and put on her best christian lie. Some days she would go on a date and put on her most beautiful lie. Sometimes she would put on her drinking lie. Sometiems she would find a situation that required her to make a new lie. Beautiful or ugly, she had thousands of lies. She once had a real suit. A suit known as herself. It was real, authentic and raw. She loved that suit. But over time it became not good enough. And she found that she could construct other suits if she would just cut a little bit out of her real suit to make them believeable. Soon her real suit was gone. Thousands of little peices in thousands of lies, and the sad part was; she didn't even know which peice of the lie suits was the real peice anymore.

That poor little girl with the lie suits became so confused. She didn't know what was real anymore. Everything just seemed like a dream. Which part of her identities was real? Was she now free to chose her own reality? No, because that would just be another lie. She even tried to make a new lie suit called "The Real" lie. But it only left her more hurt and confused. Nothing was real. Nothing mattered.

This little girl is me.

But last weekend in Wyoming, God called me out. He gathered me into his arms and said, "No more lying. I made you, not the lie you want to be. And I love you, not some lie."

Soon the little girl's father came into her room. He saw what she had done with the beautiful suit he had given her. He was so sad to see what she had done, but not at all angry. He was so sad to see his little girl so hurt and confused, wearing her "The Real" lie suit and crying for reality. He looked into her closet and could see each and every lie, but he could also see each and ever bit of truth sticking out of the lies. He could see the reality that the little girl had fogotten.

The little girl cowered in sight of him. She was so afraid. She had let down her father who had made a beautiful suti for her. She hadn't been satisfied. Other girl's would damage thier father's suits as well. They would go out and play in the mud, but stains can be washed. Can broken peices be made whole again? She didn't know and she saw the sadness in her father's eyes as he approached her.

But something happened that surprised this little girl. Her father took his strong arms and picked her up. He lifted her up to his face and kissed her head gently. He cradled her in his arms and said that he loved her. But he also looked her squarley in the eye. He said that she must take off her lie suit and hand every lie she had ever made over to him. She didn't know what to do. She cried out to him, "What then shall I wear?" for she had desicrated what he had given to her. She had ruined everything. She didn't even have a reality anymore to clothe herself in. She would be completley empty.

Her father looked at her and smiled. "Me." He replied. "Baby girl, you will wear Me." He handed her a bright new crisply white dress, decorated with all of the flowers of the feild. There was no past, real or false in this new garment. She was simply clothed in him.

And this is where I am. Clothed only in Christ. I have no sense of past. I have no idea if something really happened or not. I am like someone waking up from a coma, not yet able to distinguish thier dreams from reality. But God will restore. So here I am.

For all of you who are reading this blog; either you have stumbled across this by random fate (which is obviously God's will and you are welcome to keep reading) or I have invited you because I trust you and am willing to be 100% real with you. This blog is complete 100% uncensored me.

Because this little girl still just wants to make people happy. And every moment she is tempted to take this new garment the father has given her and mix it with so many falsities. Because she doesn't know who she is, and is trying to find out. But the Father is simple telling her to find herself in Him, and to seek Him, no matter what the world says.

So while I may post in weird allegories (stories) like this little girl (simply because I don't have the words, courage, or strength to say it any other way) if I have trusted you to read this, you should feel privelegded. In no way are you required to read this, in fact please feel free to pass it by. But I need people to keep me acountable, to encourage me, and to help me discover who I am in Christ.

God restored me last weekend and I pray that I don't screw it up.

So this is me. Authentic with NO more pretending. And this is God. with LOVE that trancends all bounds.