Today I found out that an old friend of mine died. And now I can't function. I shouldn't be this sad. I mean we were only halfway close for a year or two and then he moved away. I haven't seen him in at least a year. I thought he was still living in Colorado. But no. He's dead. And I shouldn't be this sad but I am.
Right now I am praying that Bryce (that was his name) is in heaven with Jesus. I know that is a silly thing to pray after someone has died but I honestly don't know about him. He could have gone either way. So I pray for the past as the only way I can deal with this.
I have always been a crier. Someone I had never met but I was aquatenses with his younger brother died in my old school and I just sat in the library all day and cried. But now I know him... and right now I can't function.
And the silly thing is that the only thing that is sticking in my head right now are the times when Bryce tried to light my car on fire in the McDonalds drive through after youth group and the time we had the superbowl party at my house and I had him convinced that my motion activated light was only turned on when I snapped my fingers. (He was too short to make it go)
So right now I don't know what I feel or why I am writing this blog. But I can't deal with it right now. I have no right to be sad, no right to be angry, no right to shut down; but I am. And that just makes me sadder, angrier, and shut down more. And I don't know what to do.
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