Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Praise God for Friends
"Hey... Text me if you're around"
An hour or so later
"I'm sorry Torri"
"Why are you sorry?"
"Because I know how you feel"
"Well thanks then. Today has just been too much"
"I know. I won't be back till late but if you need to talk with someone face to face let me know"
"k. Thanks for beign willing to talk if I need it. I just need to keep reminding myself that God's sovreingty is not depandant on how I feel"
"Yeah. Just remember that tonight. And I don't know how much sleep you got but you probably need to rest"
Praise God for friends who don't need too many words. Who just know struggles and are there.
An hour or so later
"I'm sorry Torri"
"Why are you sorry?"
"Because I know how you feel"
"Well thanks then. Today has just been too much"
"I know. I won't be back till late but if you need to talk with someone face to face let me know"
"k. Thanks for beign willing to talk if I need it. I just need to keep reminding myself that God's sovreingty is not depandant on how I feel"
"Yeah. Just remember that tonight. And I don't know how much sleep you got but you probably need to rest"
Praise God for friends who don't need too many words. Who just know struggles and are there.
Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you pray
Sometiems it doesn't matter how hard you pray. How delibrate you are. How exact you are. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes no matter how hard you pray you can't change things around. The sin just invades. People hurt. Beauty is destroyed. And no matter how much you plead with the almighty God, nothing happens.
Yet I keep trusting God with all my heart. Because he has a reason. There is good through the pain. Somewhere, someday there will be good from it. I don't know when, or how, but someday it will be there.
Prayer is the most powerful weapon I have. Pleading with the Almighty is the biggest and best tool in my arsenol. But sometimes it just does nothing. Sometimes things just keep happening. And there is nothing,
Today I found myself asking what the reason for this world is. If there is just so much hurt and so much pretending it's not there, why? So I typed in "the reason for the world" into google and this is what came up.
Yet I keep trusting God with all my heart. Because he has a reason. There is good through the pain. Somewhere, someday there will be good from it. I don't know when, or how, but someday it will be there.
Prayer is the most powerful weapon I have. Pleading with the Almighty is the biggest and best tool in my arsenol. But sometimes it just does nothing. Sometimes things just keep happening. And there is nothing,
Today I found myself asking what the reason for this world is. If there is just so much hurt and so much pretending it's not there, why? So I typed in "the reason for the world" into google and this is what came up.
I guess this is what it comes down to
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Seriously... just keep it in your pants
Day by day I lose hope for the world. So many people I know have been pregnant out of wedlock. So many people I know have been raped. So many people I know have been hit on in a way that made them REALLY uncomfortable. And I am really begining to wonder if there is anyone decent left.
And girl's aren't any better. We tempt you just to see if you'll love us without sex. But we all know you won't.
Vicious cycle.
And girl's aren't any better. We tempt you just to see if you'll love us without sex. But we all know you won't.
Vicious cycle.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
One Nice Thing
S0metimes just saying one nice thing can truly change someone's entire worldview.
The other day a friend and I were talking about facebook profile pictures. Talking mostly about how my friend's made them look weird. Then I made a comment about how my profile picture was just a weird picture of my arm. My friend replied with, "I know, what's with that? You have such a pretty face." I shrugged it off (a natural reaction for females and compliments)* but that really simply changed my outlook. I (as all females) struggle with self worth. And I don't get complimented hardly ever. So I try my hardest to take the complliments I get to heart.
I have come to realize that my facebook picture reflects how I feel about myself. I had recently changed it from a black background to a picture of my arm with the word agape written on it. This was hard enough for me to do. However after my friend said that I changed my picture to what it is now. A picture of me having fun with some wonderful girls. It may be a fairly old picture but I love it.
One simple kind word can change something simple, but it can also change a person's entire outlook. Even things that aren't compliments but a simple act of kindness like buying someone flowers (like a friend did for me recently) or simply inviting someone to play mexican train with you when they look down (as another friend did) makes a huge difference. Simply reaching out. One time, one word, one action, can really change things.
thanks
The other day a friend and I were talking about facebook profile pictures. Talking mostly about how my friend's made them look weird. Then I made a comment about how my profile picture was just a weird picture of my arm. My friend replied with, "I know, what's with that? You have such a pretty face." I shrugged it off (a natural reaction for females and compliments)* but that really simply changed my outlook. I (as all females) struggle with self worth. And I don't get complimented hardly ever. So I try my hardest to take the complliments I get to heart.
I have come to realize that my facebook picture reflects how I feel about myself. I had recently changed it from a black background to a picture of my arm with the word agape written on it. This was hard enough for me to do. However after my friend said that I changed my picture to what it is now. A picture of me having fun with some wonderful girls. It may be a fairly old picture but I love it.
One simple kind word can change something simple, but it can also change a person's entire outlook. Even things that aren't compliments but a simple act of kindness like buying someone flowers (like a friend did for me recently) or simply inviting someone to play mexican train with you when they look down (as another friend did) makes a huge difference. Simply reaching out. One time, one word, one action, can really change things.
thanks
Monday, February 21, 2011
Fight
Have you ever tried to win a fight without motivation. Well, this is a fight for motivation. Every moment is a fight to get out of bed, to do something purposeful. A fight to have a purpose. Trying to fill up every spare second of my time just so I can attempt to be doing some good. But it's all a fight, even posting this is a fight, the fight to refuse to do nothing. It's not a fight of lazyness but a fight of wortlessness. It's a fight for every joy big and small being zapped from my life. It's a fight, but not one I am willing to give up on.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Haze
(Edited Version)
So a girl just came into the cafe with a guy. She is a BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL AMAZING girl with some self worth issues. The guy she was with was fairly decent looking. She was sitting at the table talking about how ugly she was and how fat she was and the guy with her just said, "No. I think you're d*** good. And those other girls, they may be pretty but they got no personality. Girls like you are awesome and got the strongest personality. I like girls with personality." She said that personality only gets you so far and the guy with her just told her how much crap that was and using some curse words told her how amazing she was. They seemed like real raw people. People with problems, with issues, with stories, and just trying to make it. It was real, emotions, no hiding, no pretending. Just there.
So what's the problem with that. I know down in the depths of my soul that that guy was really bad for her. That he wasn't what God had for her. However I could feel myself wishing I was her with each word the guy spoke to her. I wanted someone to tell me I was pretty, that they wanted me, that they loved me. Someone to be open with and then have them tell me that they care.
You see I feel like I am torn between two worlds. One is raw, real, with parties and people striving for more. Cursing, just being real. Yeah there is real heartache, and real pain, but atleast it's real. It's pain you can feel and absorb and share. Then there is this other world. This christian world. I know that I have Christ and Christ is with me in whatever world I am in so I am not talking about God's world, but the christian world. This world there are times of real joy, real sorrow, but everything seems to be dulled. You can't feel real pain. It's like you are constantly in a haze. People are always "happy" and though there are tiems of joy beyond what I could imagine, real true joy, the haze is too much to deal w ith.
But I don't want to have to be in the haze. You see, there are times when I am with you that things just seem real. That we can talk about real things, hard things. But we can also talk about when God gave us a dream, a crazy fufuilled prayer, an epic realization that caused movement in our lives. Then God is real, God is raw, and God close; not someplace faraway in a haze. I don't have to abandon feelings or God, There is no more haze.
Cause there is a third world, which is where I want to be. The world which is clearer than I could ever imagine. Where things are real, there is no haze. Where there can be real hurt and real pain and real joy and real love. Honest... not a haze. It is a world I get an occasional chance to expeirience when I am with my best friend... but I still long for the love, and then I am drug back to the raw painful world I once came from.
But I need to hold tight to my savior. Jesus did not live in the religious haze of his time. He did not try to be good. He was better than we could ever imagine. He was real, with true pain and true joy. And He has a plan for me and a real world. Maybe he'll show me.
(unedited version available with text)
So a girl just came into the cafe with a guy. She is a BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL AMAZING girl with some self worth issues. The guy she was with was fairly decent looking. She was sitting at the table talking about how ugly she was and how fat she was and the guy with her just said, "No. I think you're d*** good. And those other girls, they may be pretty but they got no personality. Girls like you are awesome and got the strongest personality. I like girls with personality." She said that personality only gets you so far and the guy with her just told her how much crap that was and using some curse words told her how amazing she was. They seemed like real raw people. People with problems, with issues, with stories, and just trying to make it. It was real, emotions, no hiding, no pretending. Just there.
So what's the problem with that. I know down in the depths of my soul that that guy was really bad for her. That he wasn't what God had for her. However I could feel myself wishing I was her with each word the guy spoke to her. I wanted someone to tell me I was pretty, that they wanted me, that they loved me. Someone to be open with and then have them tell me that they care.
You see I feel like I am torn between two worlds. One is raw, real, with parties and people striving for more. Cursing, just being real. Yeah there is real heartache, and real pain, but atleast it's real. It's pain you can feel and absorb and share. Then there is this other world. This christian world. I know that I have Christ and Christ is with me in whatever world I am in so I am not talking about God's world, but the christian world. This world there are times of real joy, real sorrow, but everything seems to be dulled. You can't feel real pain. It's like you are constantly in a haze. People are always "happy" and though there are tiems of joy beyond what I could imagine, real true joy, the haze is too much to deal w ith.
But I don't want to have to be in the haze. You see, there are times when I am with you that things just seem real. That we can talk about real things, hard things. But we can also talk about when God gave us a dream, a crazy fufuilled prayer, an epic realization that caused movement in our lives. Then God is real, God is raw, and God close; not someplace faraway in a haze. I don't have to abandon feelings or God, There is no more haze.
Cause there is a third world, which is where I want to be. The world which is clearer than I could ever imagine. Where things are real, there is no haze. Where there can be real hurt and real pain and real joy and real love. Honest... not a haze. It is a world I get an occasional chance to expeirience when I am with my best friend... but I still long for the love, and then I am drug back to the raw painful world I once came from.
But I need to hold tight to my savior. Jesus did not live in the religious haze of his time. He did not try to be good. He was better than we could ever imagine. He was real, with true pain and true joy. And He has a plan for me and a real world. Maybe he'll show me.
(unedited version available with text)
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